Learning to Help Yourself
Why do so many people use personal trainers to help them get fit? After all, this level of one-to-one attention costs good money! One reason is that an experienced professional can help you get more out of the time you spend in the gym, by suggesting what you should work on, and by motivating you to work hard on this.

The same is true of working with a career or life coach.

But stop a minute! Despite the popularity of personal trainers, large numbers of people can be seen exercising in gyms, or running through parks on their own. They've worked out what they should be doing for themselves, and they've motivated themselves to get out there and do it.Be your own life coach!

You can take this self-coaching approach to career or life issues too.

In this article, Mind Tools coach Sharon Juden shares the steps that many professional career and life coaches help their clients take - so that you can apply this approach to your own life!

Step 1: Know What You Want

It's very easy to identify things you're NOT happy with and to get stuck in that negative state of mind. At this stage, coaches often hear comments like "No one at work takes me seriously"; "I need to lose weight, but I can't"; or "My boss is so frustrating."

But if you want things to change, then you need to identify what you DO want and WOULD be happy with.

Unfortunately, while "know what you want" is easy to say, a surprising number of us really don't know this - and simply telling us to figure it out won't help. And if we don't know the direction to take, where we end up may be no better than the place we left!

Other people have only a vague idea of what they want, and they never take the time to be more specific. This means that they have a certain amount of success, but, because they're never fully committed to one particular direction, they can only get so far.

To get past this, coaches encourage their clients to explore this problem to find its real root cause. For example, Sally may feel that her career is going nowhere because "no one takes me seriously." She might discover that this is because she takes on all of the small tasks in the team, and, because of this, she doesn't have time to work on the big ideas that would show her potential for promotion.

Often, people start out feeling that they're "victims," and that the source of their problem lies outside their control. For instance, a frustrating boss won't go away, or weight can't be lost. But these people may find that their own attitude or response is contributing to the problem.

With the root cause identified, "what you want" is the reverse of that situation. Your new thoughts become "I am focused on important tasks"; "I am clear about what I should and should not do to lose weight"; or "I am relaxed about my boss changing his mind."

Step 2: Set a SMART Goal

In "The Little Book of Coaching," Ken Blanchard and Don Shula say, "A broad target that's easy to achieve leads to the puddle' of mediocrity." So, the next step is to express "what you want" as a clear goal. This might seem like an unnecessary step, but it's really important. A properly defined goal statement will act as a motivator. It will help you prevent yourself from backing out of things you SHOULD be doing, but perhaps don't really WANT to do.

Use the SMART acronym to help you structure a goal. SMART stands for:
• Specific.
• Measurable.
• Achievable.
• Relevant.
• Time-bound.
Setting a time frame is particularly important, because it's easy to delay dealing with difficult issues. Choose one that's both realistic and challenging: if it's too easy, you'll get bored and give up, and if it's unrealistic, you'll feel overwhelmed... and give up. The secret is to choose a date in the future that you know you can reach - this should be a date that will stretch you a little, but not add to your stress.

Write your goal down. This helps you clarify your thoughts, and it helps you see your progress as you look back over the various steps you've set for yourself. This way, you can see if you're on track or not.

For example, Melanie is frustrated by her boss. She might set this goal: "By the end of the month, I'll have learned how to respond calmly and positively whenever Alex asks me to rework something. Then I'll do the work, understanding that it's an opportunity to impress him."

See our article on goal setting for more on this.

Step 3: Take Action

Determine what needs to happen to move you toward your goal:
• Do you need to get a particular qualification, or sign up for a course?
• Do you need help from someone like a personal trainer or mentor?
• Do you need to let go of someone or something?